Friendship.

So I've realized some of the problems I have had in the past could very possibly have not been my fault. For most of my adult life I've had problems making very good friends. I've always had acquaintances but never really had the traditional best friend.

From kindergarten up until 6th grade, Kara was my absolute best friend, and she was probably the most traditional I could get in a best friend, we pretty much spent every night and weekend together and our dogs were even brother and sister. The key part to that was that she lived one block away... getting to my point.

But as young friendships often do, we grew up and grew apart and really became different people, but it sort of dissolved and wasn't really anyone's fault and therefore I still consider her to be an awesome person, although I only see her in brief encounters, but I can facebook stalk :).

After that, my best friend was probably Lauren.. which in itself was probably a strange friendship from the beginning. We went to the same elementary school but weren't friends, yet in middle school we were best friends. And it was a GREAT friendship while it lasted, but then came high school. She grew up and grew into a beautiful bombshell with the long legs, and not only that she is extremely intelligent. Not that I'm an ugly duckling, but 5' 2'' doesn't constitute as a bombshell.. but I'm smart too.. just putting that out there :). Anyway, as high school goes, she fell into a different group and became a different person and we parted ways.. definitely had our differences for awhile, but I'm over it, and I think she is too, and I wish her all the luck in the world, she's had some tough times but she really has been a very strong and resilient person.

That's pretty much where it ended.. the whole perfect best friend situation. I had friends, and I didn't really have any enemies, but I never had that best friend relationship that I wish I had. I had Josilyn, who I would consider to be my best friend for my last couple years of High School, but she was so caring that she had a lot of people I imagine called her a best friend. She really is one of the nicest people I know and I love her soo much. She's one of those people that you always knew was going to do amazing things with her life, and so far, she hasn't disappointed.

The point of it all is, I feel that I missed some opportunities. I met people from other towns and I feel that I connected with them better than people in my own town, but it's hard to carry on a best friendship like that. Emilie was one of those people, but she is also a lot like Jos. Everyone loved her and so I imagine she has a lot of best friends... I just wish for one.

Right now I feel like I'm at a perfect place with my life and my friendships. I feel like I haven't thought much about maintaining friendships because I've always had the love of my life as a crutch to lean on, because I know I will always have him, but I'm realizing now that I'm alone down here that I really need to focus on me.

So I have been. And i'm finally seeing the results I wanted. I have amazing friends down here. I have Staci, but I don't see her nearly enough, and I miss her because she is the best influence anyone could ever have. I have Amy, she is so funny and is so much fun to be around and I love her also. I think my best friend right now is Allie though. We have so much fun and I can talk to her a lot, we just started hanging out a lot but I think we really connect and can form an amazing friendship.

I look forward to what life has ahead of me and can't wait for any surprises in store.